I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
