So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
