im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
