yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
