i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
