sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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