quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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