Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
