why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
