haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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