do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
