the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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