I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
