So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
