You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's shark week go big or go home
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
