I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
