I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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