Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we made out on top of his cat.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
