Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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