I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
