She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
BRING THE BAGELS
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
