I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
