My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
