My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
