I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
