How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
