I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
