Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
