i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
