Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I want a musical about memes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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