He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
