I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
