Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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