So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
