before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
