I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He kissed a someone with a penis
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
