this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
thus making me awesome and them whores
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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