I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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