I want to stick my p in your. b.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
