It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
