dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My bed smells like the plague
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
