While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
