she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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