do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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