my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
