My pussy is not your playground.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i came on her dog
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
