If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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