dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
