i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
