i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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