You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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