Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
