is your mom at the bar?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
