he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
