o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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