Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the day after is always just damage control
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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