going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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