Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
