I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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