is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
