True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize