I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
