We're facebook friends in real life
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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