he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My penis needs a shock collar
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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