Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
