i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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