Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize