Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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