i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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