there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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