I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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