her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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