Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
