My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
