when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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