I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
