i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
