normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
